Because I love you, I'm telling you the truth.

Dear Friend,  

We've known each other for years, But I've never had the occasion to write you a letter! So even though we're not in the habit of communicating this way, I thought it was the best medium to clearly speak to you in light of your news.  I want you to know that I love and care for you more than you know!  

You know that I'm a Christian, and so I want you to also know that I regularly pray for you, especially that you would know eternal blessing from God. That might be considered immoral these days, praying for someone without their consent that is! I'm sure that there's already laws being drafted to put a stop to it.

I jest of course, but I wanted you to know I pray for you, because love from one person to another is not always obvious, sometimes it comes in guises that you didn't expect or want. So know that my love for you as a dear friend is expressed in my pleadings to God on your behalf.  

We can agree, I'm sure, that love is hard to find. I know how much you hate it when your friends want to use you to get-ahead, or they're only interested in what you can do for them. When these characteristics are revealed, you're left wondering if your relationship was ever authentic, or whether it was all a show covering up selfish ambition. Would you agree that true love, real love between friends, family or lovers must stick with each other through thick and thin, in the hard times and the tough, when it easy, and when it's hard? I want to stick with you in this time that you're facing right now. Mates help mates when the going gets tough, and that's when the truth of relationships are revealed.  

I didn't realise that you had been struggling with your identity over these past few years. Yes, I knew that you had your mental battles to face: some times you were on top of the world, and you've shared some of your low points with me too. Yet, in the midst of that, I had no idea that you struggled with your gender. This news that you're changing your name, taking hormones and considering surgery really caught me off guard.  

Based on what you shared, I understand that you have not felt comfortable as yourself for some time, and after a time of searching you beleive it is because your body is incongruent with your mind/soul. Many of your other friends appear supportive of this path you've chosen. You know that I view the world a little differently than most, namely because of my Christian faith. You might be wondering what I think about this, or perhaps you have some preconceived ideas already settled in your mind. Well, because my care and affection for you is real, I have to be authentic with you. That's why I wrote you this letter.  

I'm sure it won't be easy for you to read this, but out of love and care, I cannot be silent. Even now I expect that you're already feeling hurt, but it is more important for us to be truthful with one another, than for me to pretend I'm happy for you on this path. We can't run a friendship on lies. In fact, a life built on lies is bound to end in despair.  

And that's what I want to save you from, lies and despair! It seems clear to me that that you are walking a path to despair. Right now you may feel like you're finally cresting the hill, and that on the other side are sweet pastures and joyful days. Yet, I can almost guarantee that as you move further down this path of transitioning you will not find the joy and happiness you long for, only darkness. Mates help mates when they're in trouble, and they tell each other when they've made a bad call: I think you've made a bad call. I'm going to talk straight to you because I respect you.  

This isn't an attack on your identity, I want you to find your self, and for that to lead to you living an authentic life of joy. The issue is that I don't think you will find joy by looking within yourself. I don't think that trying to change your gender will lead to joy and happiness.  

One of the reasons for this, is that no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to truly change your gender. You may be able to dress differently, and talk differently, and surgically alter parts of your body, but at the end of the day your genetics will remain the same and you will never have the body, let alone the mind, of your chosen gender. You will be living a lie. Because I love you, I'm telling you the truth.  

To end up where you are today, I think you've been deceived. You've been sold a lie that your true identity is found within. Almost every aspect of your identity that matters is something that is granted to you from outside yourself. Think about it. Your nationality was something given by your birth and the law of the land, you didn't chose your parents, your sex was not your choice. Your birth name was given to you. Even for your professional accreditation, you had to comply with their standards in order to get your licence to practice. We can shape our identity somewhat, but the core fundamentals come from the external.  

I beleive that THE core fundamental of your identity is that you're made in the Image of God. There is something about every human being that reflects God in them. You are made in God's image. It gets messed up by evil, it gets suppressed, but each an every human still bears God's imprint. God saw fit to make us human in two distinct genders. That distinction is written into our programming, from our genetic code, to our physiology, to the way our minds work, all the way through our being we are created in the image of God in two genders. And that is good! God has lovingly given you a gender identity that fits your mind, body and soul. To try and undermine God's good design and gift to you by throwing off your true gender is to spit in the face of God.  

You are rejecting God by rejecting your true gender, and you are trying to live a lie that will never satisfy. Because I love and respect you, I'm telling you the truth.  

God is not pleased with the path you are pursuing, in fact He is angry. "...sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming." (Col 3:5–6). At the very least, your transition is evil desire and covetousness in God's eyes. Right now you are inviting God's wrath to fall on you; you have committed a great injustice in His eyes.      

 

This letter is not for me to condemn you, it's a letter of hope, because I do not only write to bring you only hard words, but also words of hope and encouragement. Although your present path is in rebellion against God and on the way to great despair, you are never too far gone to be saved by God. No matter how far along this path, God calls you to turn away from these self-destructive actions. I warn you, the further down this path you go, the more irreversible, the greater the damage done, yet even if you mutilate your body in vain hope, God will still receive you.  

If you turn to God by turning to Jesus Christ, He will receive you with open arms! His love is for all those who seek him. Coming to Jesus will mean turning away from transitioning, but it will also mean receiving a new identity: Child of God. This new identity will be given to you by God, and it will far surpass the lie of the identity you are constructing for yourself. This new identity has security and joy, it has hope and promise of better days to come. It will not be easy to come to Jesus, and follow him, but it will the best thing that could ever happen to you. I encourage you to "put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." (paraphrased Eph 4:22–24).  

You can come to Christ, no matter what you do to yourself. But know that there is a limited window - time will not always be on your side. You don't know when your last day will be. But this very day is the best day for salvation. Yet, if you refuse this offer now, and you remember it in your darkest hour, even then call on the LORD God through Jesus Christ.  

I am a sinner just like you, and no better than you. I need the rescue of Jesus Christ. This is not me talking down to you, but rather one poor soul telling another where you may find true joy. Such joy can only be found in Jesus Christ - he rescues us from God's wrath, and from our shame.  

Right now you stand as an enemy of God on the road to despair, but there is a way out: "For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. ... God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life." (Ro 5:6–10).  

Jesus stood in my place and took away God's wrath, he did that by dying on a cross. He made atonement for my life with his own life, and if you would turn to Jesus and ask him, his atonement can be yours. Jesus will justify you. The amazing thing is, although Jesus died on that cross, he didn't stay dead, he rose to life! He defeated death itself, and he gives resurrection life to all his people. It is an eternal life, one that will continue beyond the grave! It is a life of wholeness and fullness and eternal joy! He will give you a new body, one where you will never feel out of place. He will make you pleasing and acceptable to God!  

If you look within yourself, you will only find lies and despair. The heart is very deceitful, it will lead you astray, and if you are able to see past the lies, you'll see that your heart is full of all kinds of sin - hatred, selfishness, lust, indignation, jealousy, discontentment, and all other manner of other sins. The only way to escape the black depths of your heart (or my heart) is to be saved by Jesus Christ. Don't deceive yourself, there is no other way out, and especially not through the deception of gender transition.    

 

This is likley unwelcome news, given that you have recently mustered up the courage to make your transition public. I understand that this letter might be the cause of you cutting off our friendship, but I need to risk it to get this news to you. I understand that what I'm doing might even be considered illegal, but I'm willing to risk the penalty to try and save your soul. You may feel attacked by this, but please do not see it that way, I'm only trying to help you. It is my sincere hope that this letter might give you pause, and might help you see that this path is not good for you. Because I love you, I'm telling you the truth.  

Even though I cannot support your choices, I do support you as a dear friend. I will not abandon you, I will continue to love and pray for you. I will be ready to help in your hour of need and I will not reject you even if you reject my words here. If you decide to turn from your path to despair, and turn to Jesus, I would love to help you meet him.    

With loving kindness,  

Samuel.    

 

P.S. If your soul is hurt, if your heart is broken over your choices, if you yearn for a new identity in Christ, then I would share this prayer with you. If you don't have the words to pray, these may help you give voice to your heart and turn to seek after God:  

O MY FORGETFUL SOUL,

Awake from your wandering dream;         

turn from chasing vanities,   

look inward, forward, upward,   

view yourself,   

reflect upon yourself,       

who and what you are, why here,       

what you must soon be.

You are a creature of God,     

formed and furnished by him,     

lodged in a body like a shepherd in his tent;

Do you not desire to know God’s ways?  

 

O God, You injured, neglected, provoked Benefactor   

when I think upon your greatness and your goodness   

I am ashamed at my insensibility,   

I blush to lift up my face,   

for I have foolishly erred.

Shall I go on neglecting you,   

when every one of your rational creatures     

should love you,   

and take every care to please you?

I confess that you have not been in all my thoughts,   

that the knowledge of yourself as the end of     

my being has been strangely overlooked,  

 that I have never seriously considered     

my heart-need.

But although my mind is perplexed and divided,   

my nature perverse,   

yet in my secret dispositions I still desire you.

Let me not delay to come to you;

Break the fatal enchantment that binds     

my evil affections,   

and bring me to a happy mind that rests in you,   

for you have made me and can't forget me.

Let your Spirit teach me the vital lessons of Christ,   

for I am slow to learn.

Hear my broken cries.  

Amen.

(From https://banneroftruth.org/us/devotional/the-awakened-sinner/)